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Month: June 2021

Letting Go In Grieving

Letting Go In Grieving

“Grieve” – To mourn or sorrow for – A normal process of reacting to loss.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens

:4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

Dearest beloved, I would like to share one other story with you. I pray that Abba Father will touch you and guide you through your time of grieving and letting go. He has made provision for times like these in our lives. He has everything ready to take you through these times of letting go. All you need to do is to allow Him to help you through this process. May Holy Spirit rest on you as you read this and may He wrap Himself around you and take charge over you in Jesus name.

Letting go

Our season has come to leave our home that we have lived in for 16 years. We have raised and homeschooled our children here. Our blood, sweat and tears went into this place. Many memories were made and altars of worship and praise have been built for our King Jesus. Gladness, joy, sadness, breakthroughs, healings, deliverance, peace and the list goes on and on – This was our home! Then God said: “Buy a land!” A land flowing with milk and honey, a land of peace and rest! A land far, far, far away from everyone and everything we know. Exciting but more scary.

When the time came to start packing up I could feel how I started numbing my emotions from how I really felt about leaving all behind. It was supposed to be a happy, exciting time, but I didn’t feel it. I also started feeling sick in my stomach from keeping everything cropped up by not expressing what I felt. I felt that I would hurt my family that was excited for the move with my negativity (which was a lie, it was not negativity, it was my mothers heart that had to let go of the memories of raising my children in this house).

One morning while I was busy with my quiet time the Lord spoke to me and said:” I give you 3 days to grieve”. It was almost a shock to me because grieve is such a strong word, not to speak of the emotion. I said grieve Lord, I mean, is it really that bad that I have to grieve about it? I immediately felt that this was needed to disconnect myself from the old so that I could embrace the new season with open arms. I said to the Lord that I would grieve my 3 days, but I needed Him to take full charge so that it wouldn’t be a time of torment and that He needed to trigger me so that I could start letting it all out – for my feelings were bottled up so well. Oh man, He did it so well. I found photos of me homeschooling our children, I remembered certain instances of praying through the night with ill children, spending time with the Lord in the early morning hours, I remembered the worship sessions we held and so many more. Each one of these memories brought a lot of tears. I had to feel the sadness to affectively disconnect from the land and space.

I have learnt in this time that letting go in the grieving was not a shameful or bad thing, it is necessary for us to express and release that which we feel so that we can move into the new season, new relationships, building new memories etc. with hope and excitement. We can’t move on if we don’t disconnect completely from the old.

These 3 days were hard, but Holy Spirit was closely helping and comforting me. Everyday I could feel how that feeling of despair and the pain in my body left. On the third day Jesus came and started ministering and packing me with that which He was giving us to take into the new land. My heart was completely sorted out and I was ready to leave this home behind.

Summary

Beloved, when you face a time where you have to let go of a relationship, a home, a job, a loved one that passed or whatever it may be. It is important to disconnect properly by allowing yourself to feel and express your sadness and heartache. If you don’t disconnect and release yourself, you will struggle in your new space and new relationships. You will have difficulty to move on. Let us not waste time by staying in a numbed state and by bottling up our pain. Let us make sure to disconnect, release and allow God to show us what must take place. DON’T GET STUCK! Come on let’s walk on…

Let us pray: Abba Father, I know I have to let go, I know I have to move on, but I am scared. I am scared of the unknown, I am scared of loneliness. I am scared I won’t make it. I am scared of allowing the sadness to come out. I am scared of really feeling. I repent Father, fear is not from You. Please forgive me and wash me in Your blood in Jesus name. You know what is best for me and what space or place or relationships I need to grow some more. I surrender, Father. Father, I give You permission to supervise my letting go. Please keep me from torment in Jesus name. Please take hold of me and guide me through all the times in my life of disconnecting and moving into the new. I trust You to prepare my spirit for these seasons so that it will not be overwhelming for me to deal with in the future, in Jesus name. Into Your hands I commit my life and the preparation of my spirit to embrace every shift and change that will come my way. Come Lord Jesus come! You are welcome to take me through in Jesus name! Amen and amen.

Seasons – Stepping Stones

Seasons – Stepping Stones

Ecclesiastes 3:1 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens :2 a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,3 a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, 4a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, 5a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, 6a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, 7a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, 8a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time.

Beloveds, I want to encourage you today by telling you that the season you are in is exactly where you should be. If it is painful or joyful, know that God is with you in this place and He wants to either heal you or teach you something. For those that are hanging on by a thread – This season too shall pass! The most important thing to remember now is to be a good steward with what you need to learn or do in this space. You do not want to waste time by being bitter and angry while God wants to do something in you. You don’t want to do this season over with the same issues. Or lose out on what God wants to download into your spirit for the next season. Every season is preparation, a stepping stone to the season that follows.

Every season we face in our spiritual lives is under God’s supervision. Yes, if you have given your life to Him and you gave Him permission to take charge over your life, He will look after you. God knows what seasons we need to draw us closer to Him and to take another layer of bondage off of us. He knows when to release us to go work in the field and when to take us into a time of rest. The way you embrace your season is imperative! Do not waste time by kicking against where you find yourself. Make work with especially your pain. Open up your heart and tell God you are willing to learn and walk this season the way He has written it in Heaven. If you are stuck – Do not cling to what you have lost, but look at what you have right now and be grateful for it. Gratitude will help you embrace your season.

My Story

After my last post, my family and I have been very busy packing up, saying goodbye to my father that died, saying goodbye to dear friends, saying goodbye to our home of 16 years and moving away from a grandmother. A lot of emotions to work through. Being happy to go to the new land, but sad about that which was left behind.

We got to our new land, a land with much blessing and great peace…,but now we had to come into sink with a different pace and rhythm. I have been used to work, work, work. I’ve homeschooled our children for many years, did counselling, workshops and had many moments of intense inner healing – I am used to being busy. Our son finished matric last year and the season for homeschooling was over as well.

I had a bit of a struggle with what I needed to do in this new place. I have asked God many times before we left for the new place what He wanted us to do there. His answer was that it is a place of peace and rest. Mmmmm, I soon realized that I did not have an idea of what it meant to rest. I have been ministering and working in the field for many years, but for the last sixteen years I’ve never had a space where there was no work, but play.

Man, what a shock to me. I wanted to start studying because I just couldn’t sit around doing “nothing”. I felt guilty for not doing anything and my husband had to work while I am “resting”. I really had to wrestle with God concerning this. My husband did not know about my internal wrestling, but one morning he came to me and said he wants me to be at peace. He told me that he doesn’t expect me to be busy with work and studying and he wants me to really rest and do things that I like to do. (Thank You Abba)

I also had an issue with not doing much for the kingdom, but I soon learnt that I didn’t have to do that either because God was setting me apart to impart new revelation for the next season.

I asked God what season I was entering and He said it is winter. I started reading up on what happens in winter with plants and trees. I read up on fun things to do in winter seasons because I needed to recalibrate my body, soul and spirit – I had to change my pace. I decided to celebrate and embrace this season, even if I felt out of sorts and unsure. By doing this I realized that this season was enough for me. It is exactly what I need. The moment I started embracing and getting excited about “doing” winter I came to a place of contentment.

Beloveds, many times new seasons can be very scary for us and we can feel out of sorts, it is unknown – we have never walked here, but the more I chose to embrace this space and looked for the beauty (the fun ,not being negative) this season carries, my whole being came into peace.

Man, how I love how God loves us. He knows what season we need to go through before stepping into the next. If we don’t go through our season dealing with that which needs to be dealt with, we will not be fully equipped to enter our next season.

And this is what I believe Paul is speaking about in this scripture – Philippians 4:11-13 11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

I feel in my spirit that God wants me to add this – Those of you that are in much pain and can’t see the beauty of your season or anything positive – This too shall pass. I invite you to choose to take Abba Father’s hand today, He is throwing a life line out to you – He has not left you. He has all you need to be healed and delivered right now from this place of despair. Take His hand now. Receive the oil of the spirit of the overcomer and rise above this, see Him, for His deliverance is at hand. Receive a fresh outpouring of strength and hope in Jesus name.

Isaiah 43:2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.

Let us pray – Abba Father, I cry out to you today! I have been kicking against many seasons in my life because I don’t always understand what You want to do, especially the seasons where I have to deal with my pain and the bondages over my life. I repent for not allowing you to heal me, where I have blamed you for my pain and where I did not realize that You are near and that You want to heal me. Please forgive me. I repent of being bitter and angry and because of this I couldn’t see the bigger picture. I ask, Jesus, that You will cleanse me from this with Your blood and that You will restore my senses that were defiled by these sins. I ask that I will once again be able to see, hear, smell, feel and taste that You are good. I ask that I will come to understand that every season I go through, You are with me and that I am under Heavens supervision. Father, I choose to embrace my season, I allow You to come in and interfere and intervene in everything concerning me. I invite you today to come and take full charge over every season I will face in my life in Jesus name. I dedicate my seasons to You. You know what is good for me, You know when I am ready to face certain things. Come Lord Jesus come. Come and teach me what I need to learn and help me to be a good steward of my seasons – not wasting time. Lord, please show me what season I am in so that I can embrace it and come to a place of peace even if I can’t see much yet. Let Your kingdom come and Your will be done in Jesus name I pray. Amen and amen!